The Post That Has Been Started 10,000 Times
I've started, then deleted, my rumblings and ramblings regarding the emotional turmoil we've been recently experiencing. Having entered the final stretch, parting well wishes are becoming the reality. I've struggled to capture exactly how we feel, juxtaposing emotions are in constant combat. Exuberance challenged by extreme sadness, there are those we know we may never embrace again. We expected leaving would be easy, contrarily quite difficult.
Our focus for the last seven years has been to make a big change. Almost always ending in a move across the US to the Pacific Northwest. As we approach our date of departure we have been awoken to the truth of leaving what we have always known, sobering and exhilarating. Our trek across the America's will unimaginably shape our lives and values, our friends and family will not directly experience the metamorphosis.
Sam from Song of the Road recently penned: "The problem is that overlanders are selfish travelers. They want to do whatever they want to do whenever they want to do it." A fact that rings true well before the first mile is laid. This has been resonating within each thought and feeling we have. A bit of guilt is creeping in, my assumption is that means we're still quite human.
Walking away for the unknown from the known, knowledge has proven to be the difficulty. The anticipation of our departure has been entirely focused on being able to drive the first mile. Our recent anxiety hails from leaving what we have already mastered, our mundanely comfortable existence is being retired instead of ourselves. Starting the van and pressing the pedal will be the least of our concerns. Setting off will be more about hugging goodbye then shouting hello.
My inability to capture this tumultuous time is a reminder of uncertainty. We've long reached the point where the fear of staying put far outweighs that of leaving. The finality of life is so absurd, living becoming the priority over just surviving. Our existence will be simpler, poorer... richer with time. Lost on the tides of the wind, grounded in nature and humanity.
Infected with long term travel, we welcome this sickness. We are not lost, hopeless or crazy. Indifferent with being different, alive to an inner desire we both share. No quest or conquest, a journey of self and of others. An unexplainable urge to move, a wandering of wondering. Touching that which is intangible, fertilizing our life soul into being. Losing touch with some to feel that of others.
Our heartache's cost will never be equitable. Each of us will carry a deficit. The greatest loss is what we are leaving behind, the people and places we cherrish so deeply. Our pleas for visits from those we hold dear will eventually be answered. We're breaking our own hearts.
Where are we now
Look Rock, TN
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